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Neil Neil Orange Peel's LiveJournal:
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| Thursday, November 19th, 2009 | | 3:44 pm |
Dating the Up
So, my lovely friendslist and occasional wanderer, I expect you are ever so slightly moist in anticipation of my latest doings. Not being one who wishes to disappoint my adoring fans, I now have your latest Neil-offering, served up on a silver platter by a semi-naked and well oiled flunky, whilst nymphs play the harp somewhere in the background ... ( Read more... ) | | Thursday, November 12th, 2009 | | 9:44 pm |
| | Friday, October 30th, 2009 | | 11:24 pm |
Unnnnfff!
I am 6 days into a 30 day yoga challenge. I will bore you with the details at a later date, but I am definitely struggling. Still, day 7 tomorrow. Aint gonna fail at this if its anything to do with me. | | Thursday, October 22nd, 2009 | | 1:37 pm |
The Chicken and The Egg
So which one came first? Well clearly it was the egg. You see, dinosaurs laid eggs well before chickens evolved so that settles that. Ah, but what about the egg that a chicken hatches from? Well, since genetic mutation that gives rise to evolution occurs at conception, then again it has to be the egg. At some point in history, a boy bird and a girl bird met in a nightclub and she took him, where they got jiggy with it. The result was that the boy left the girl with one in the oven, which mutated into what we would call a chicken during the merging of genes. So you see, evolution explains how the egg came before the chicken. On the other hand, one could argue that evolution is a misnomer, that God created the earth about 4000 years ago and made all life in the Garden of Eden. Given that pesky snake, he'll have had to have made them as chickens rather than little baby eggs So you see, creationism explains how the chicken came before the egg. The chicken and egg thing then comes down to a metaphor of science versus religion. | | 12:01 pm |
Well ...
... it's now been a week since I last had any nicotine, and 10 days since my last ciggie. the withdrawals have eased off to the point where the headaches and stomach cramps are intermittent and relatively minor. I am considering a 30 day challenge with the yoga, which I am considering as it will make me super bendy and help me shift some of this excess blubber that stubbornly clings to my frame. | | Sunday, October 18th, 2009 | | 11:55 pm |
Nicotine Withdrawals
I have nicotine withdrawals. on my hols I started smoking again, and tried to stop on august bank holiday. whilst I managed to quit the caffeine, teh nicotine withdrawals were waaay too horrible, anyway, I decided I didn't want to feel crappy through fags any more, so decided to quit again. had my last smoke on monday a week ago. when i have quit before, I have gone onto and stayed on the lozenges. this time i decided to go cold turkey, although I gave myself a soft landing, so haven't had any since thursday morning, which 3 and a half days ago. now, the withdrawals are supposed to ease off after 2-3 days. whilst the headaches and stomach cramps have subsided the crankiness and insomnia haven't. It will get better eventually, but until then I may be a bit of bear with a sore head. | | Thursday, September 17th, 2009 | | 5:19 pm |
Nicked from Jabba
Give me the title of a story I’ve never written, and feedback telling me what you liked best about it, and I will tell you any of: the first sentence, the last sentence, the thing that made me want to write it, the biggest problem I had while writing it, why it almost never got submitted to magazines, the scene that hit the cutting room floor but that I wish I’d been able to salvage, or something else that I want readers to know. | | Tuesday, September 8th, 2009 | | 11:32 pm |
| | Friday, September 4th, 2009 | | 10:50 am |
Sausages and Melons and Brightly Coloured Pieces of String
after a conversation with a friend at work I have decided to make an amendment to my lifestyle. In one of those fore-head slapping ohmygoodwhydidn’tIthinkofthat moments, she said that a friend of hers had lost about 4 stone by changing eating habits so that he has a big breakfast, medium sized lunch and a snack at dinner time. And lots of yoga. This should be contrasted with my approach, which generally involves scoffing lots of food at night before I go to bed. So, today I have started this new eating habit, which is great as it means I get to pig out at breakfast, although I still couldn’t face the ommlette at the end. yoga went well on wednesday. despite only 1 visit in the last month, I struggled in the standing series I recovered enough to do the whole of the floor series and come out of it feeling very refreshed, something that I still think is pretty darn good progress. I am 2-3 days away from fully recovering from the caffeine withdrawal effects, after which I intend to tackle the thornier issue of nictone, a substance I lapsed on after 3 days. I think rather than going cold turkey I may try the 5mg patches, so that I can at least take the edge off, then going off completely after 2 weeks. got my blood tests back today, and have the all clear. had been concerned I may have anaemia with all the tiredness, but that may have just been the effect of my ritual coffee abuse. so, things are looking up. damn, I love not being depressed anymore. | | Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009 | | 11:01 am |
Se Vende, uno Neil, dos Euros
OK, boys and girls. It’s the post you’ve all been waiting for. Yes, that’s right, I am going to bore you with what I have been doing for the last two weeks or so. It was my umpteenth birthday on the 18th, and to celebrate, I went to the retro bar on the previous Saturday. I don’t really drink very much these days (honest, guv) and I was a fairly cheap date for the dudes and dudettes who came along to help with the ritualised quaffing of booze. Sunday was my first hangover in ages. Tuesday, was my birthday. Ben got me an awesome Robot Brush, which I am currently training in guerrilla warfare as part of my plan to take over the world. That’s right. I am going to take over the world. With a brush!! In the afternoon I went to Chester in preparation for the flight the following morning. John, Damien and I went to Chef’s Wok and scoffed an improbable amount of Chinese food before retiring for an early flight as we were due to jet off to Alicante the following morning. I am going to let you into a secret. I hate flying. I mentally pen a mini obituary every time I get on a plane. Mine read: “ Neil was born on 18th August 19… oh shit, a mountain”. Still, doom mongering aside we landed safely. Damien’s other half’s parents live in Spain, and so her dad gave us a lift to the apartment, where we crashed out and wilted in the heat. ok, ok, don’t worry I am not going to give you a blow by blow account of the holiday. Suffice to say – had a great time swimming in the med, but at the cost of some bad ass sun burn and sun stroke. My shoulders are still pretty radioactive now after nearly two weeks. By a strange turn of fate an old friend of mine texted me out of the blue two weeks before I was due to fly to Spain. She is actually Spanish, and lives not too far from Alicante. We met up in said city and had a jolly good time out there. Turns out she has one in the oven. Anyway, hopefully we’ll stay in touch more often now. I have an invite to the feria de albacete next year, and so I have decided to try to learn some Spanish in the intervening time so that I can actually communicate with the locals, order beer and food and chat up Spanish women. Came back to Manchester Wednesday evening / Thursday morning. I have to say, the rain and wind of Northern England was a blessed relief after living in what amounted to a sauna for a week. I have never appreciated being rained on as much as I do now. After a week of over-indulgence I decided to go cold turkey on nicotine and caffeine. The caffeine is really sapping my energy and the nicotine is way too pricey and not that good for me either, even the replacement stuff. Whilst I have stayed off the caffeine, I had to succumb to the pleasure of the cigs yesterday lest I go on the rampage. I may try again at the weekend using the super weak patches than just cold turkey. So here I am, back at work and wondering once again what to do with my life. | | Monday, August 31st, 2009 | | 3:05 pm |
On Friday I decided to free myself from my caffiene and nicotine addictions, and so as of Saturday morning went cold turkey. Now on (bank holiday) monday afternoon I feel like absolute death, and really want a coffee and a fag. And a few beers and some more fags. Then maybe a kebab. | | Thursday, August 13th, 2009 | | 4:00 pm |
took em derb!
It’s about 4 in the afternoon here. I have one more day in work tomorrow and then I have a two and a bit week break from work. Its my birthday on Tuesday. I am heading to Chester, then flying out from Liverpool in the wee hours of Wednesday morning to Alicante for a week’s break. If you hear of the EasyJet flight crashing, that’ll be me. Can you tell how much I like flying? There are three of us, and possibly a fourth should a missus one of us turn up too – we were originally sold it as a luxury villa on the beach front. However, this actually turns out to be a 2-bedroom apartment (with sofa bed) in an ex pat community somewhere several km from Alicante. However, as it is free, this exaggeration can be heartily forgiven. I have a mere 200 euros (minus a third of the cost of a hire car) with which to enjoy myself for the week, so I intend to spend most of it sunbathing and reading and very little else. Have also been trying to cut down on the NRT, am getting there slowly but surely, but its far worse than actually quitting the cigs and leads me to occasional bouts of hysterical fury at the world. One can only punch the ground for so long before recognising the futility of the exercise, however. After a rough night on the boozes the other day, I have also decided to forswear booze for a time, until I deem it fit to get hammered again. We still have no home internets. This means not only will I be offline for a week whilst I get sunburnt, but won’t be able to partake in the delights of WoW, facebook or LJ. Now, if I thought nicotine withdrawals were bad, I really really am not looking forward to the blogging shakes. Can anyone suggest a remedy to help me get through this difficult period? | | Monday, August 10th, 2009 | | 2:03 pm |
Writer's Block: Memo to Myself
1. you're going to lose your hair. enjoy it while it lasts. don't let those bitches con you into thinking it needed to be cut off before i you're ready 2. steer well clear of the stock market, and you might not end up hideously in debt. 3. bad luck, you're going to suffer mental health problems. the world actually isn't against you. deal with it and don't whine. 4. go to the gym more often, otherwise you're gonna end up as a bit of a porker 5. have more sex. ideally with the same person. generally, don't be so scared of girls - some of them do like you. 6. learn programming skills and develop facebook | | Wednesday, July 29th, 2009 | | 12:07 pm |
Film
I remember seeing a film many years ago, but cannot for the life of me remember the title. As I would like to get hold of a copy one day, I thought I'd ask to see if anyone knows it. Its an Aussie film, where a new power source (?) is tested and it brings about a disaster. The survivor awakens to find that everyone has disappeared. After some time he eventually finds other survivors and they look into what went wrong. It transpires that all the survivors actually died at the precise moment the machine was activated, so they set about trying to find a way back into the rest of the world, which they suppose must still exist out there somewhere. The ending is rather bleak. Would be grateful if anyone knows the film. | | Thursday, July 9th, 2009 | | 11:01 am |
| | Wednesday, July 8th, 2009 | | 10:02 pm |
FOOOOOOD!!
Having just attended the yoga class of doom I am now caught between ravening hunger and bone idle laziness. I would order pizza or something equally tasty, but I want healthy food. I want lightly fried crispy vegetables, diced chicken breast in a light soy sauce. I want light, fluffy rice handed to me in a bowl by semi-naked attentive serving girls, topping me up with chilled pinot grigio and kneading my aching shoulders. I want freshly baked bread, dripping with butter (ok, that's not so healthy). To finish it off I want a bowl of fresh fruit topped with light cream. As I don't have any of those items in stock, I am just going to have to settle for yearning. | | Wednesday, July 1st, 2009 | | 11:36 am |
Questions Thingy
Jeni asked me five questions, here are my answers. If you want, comment and I'll ask you five :) 1. Does your chewing gum lose it's flavour on the bedpost over night?
What happens is that the bed-goblins come along and and surgically extract the flavour using a carefully designed scientific procedure that involves a syringe, a storage VAT that operates at just above zero kelvin and, for some reason, a plague bell. They then sell it back to the chewing gum manufacturers so the whole process can start again. The money they make pays for their equipment, and a 2 week holiday to Skegness once a year. Their employer keeps the profits and uses some of it to pay the child maintenance for his pixie kids he had with the local nymph. Meanwhile the government, which is run by a bunch of fairies incidentally, taxes some of the money, which it uses to flour bomb the neighbouring house to get their SPEARMINT gum, because its worth more. The Chewing Gum Manufacturers then give kickbacks to the fairies. So you see, that's how the Chewing Gun companies control the world, by removing the flavour from my chewing gum whilst its on the bedpost overnight. 2. If your mother says don't chew it, do you swallow it in spite?
Are we still talking about gum? Because ... Oh. Well, my Mum wouldn't tell me not to chew as she's on the payroll. They all are. And they're all out to get me ... 3. Do you enjoy dancing?
I do. I have no skill in it, and would one day like to learn some form of latin dance. If I were to do so, I would prefer to go with a lady friend as I'd be a bit intimidated. Otherwise, I always enjoyed drunkenly (or otherwise) cavorting on the dance floor to various beats. Sadly these days my back stops me from dancing as I tend to go into rather a lot of pain very quickly and find I cannot walk for a week. 4. What's the best food on the Christmas markets?
Smelly Smelly Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesse 5. Do you like any musicals?
When I was a tiny Neil, the first musical I saw was Wizard of Oz at the theatre, which featured my Auntie as Dorothy. Other live ones I've seen are Chicago and Spamalot. | | Wednesday, June 17th, 2009 | | 6:36 pm |
Just a quick one.
I have 10 minutes before I have to go to the yoga class of doom, and so thought I would spend it unproductively writing gibberish in my livejournal. But, as you can see I didn't get very far, so instead I am off to go get hot and sweaty in my skimpy outfit. Now there's a mental image to mull over. | | Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009 | | 3:40 pm |
| | Thursday, November 24th, 2005 | | 9:30 pm |
Joe Cool ... so cool
I am feeling very cool. I was chilled before, but am now just cool. That's largely because I got inside out of the cold. To show how cool I am, I am wearing a Rolling Stones hoody, listening to Mozart's 9th, and reading Life, the Universe and Everything. The challenge is: can you be cooler than me? Well, go on! |
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